Happy 1 Year Anniversary to my Ben.

I can't believe a whole year has gone by. I always talk to people about how marriage is the BEST. I really do believe that!!!

This year has been the best year of my life. I can't imagine what life would be like if Jesus didn't give me Ben. I look back to when I first met Ben and didn't realize that God had a hand in it then, but I so do now. 

first night we met.

3 years ago I met a joyful, fun, and crazy dancer named Ben Belz. I remember the first time I saw him I thought, "Well he's kinda cute." I thought he was cute in a mysterious yet teddy-bear like way. I met him in April of my Sophomore year. I had just gone through a break up and WAS NOT looking for anyone to like. We went to an animated movie and then a dance party (so indicative of our life together now). I remember thinking that he was so peaceful and yet so happy at the same time. I remember wanting to be around him. He had a confidence about him that I lacked so greatly. Being around Ben was like being closer to Jesus, my Spirit felt so lifted. During this time, I was wrecked emotionally. Not many people knew how broken my heart was. I was so worried because my Dad was starting to slur his speech, we knew something was wrong, but not what. I felt insecure. I felt alone. I was clinging onto Jesus with every ounce that was within me because I felt so desperate. Over the next few months, Ben and I would talk occasionally or hang out with a group of people. During this time, we gradually learned a little more about what was happening with my Dad. 

During that summer, Ben and I talked ALL the time. We would text and skype. I remember thinking to myself, "Why do I feel so drawn to him? Why do I feel like I should share about the situation with my Dad? Why do I feel like I'm supposed to talk to him more and more?" I remember sharing the situation with Ben about Dad and how scared I was to find out what was going on. I knew he would pray for me. Not in a flippant way, but truly pray in earnest. Later I found out that Ben was so moved by me sharing everything and so moved by my family's situation that he cried with his friends about it. He is such a compassionate man. 

The next few months after we found out my Dad had Lou Gehrig's disease, Ben pursued me relentlessly. I refused so many times even though I had this feeling in my Spirit that I was supposed to be with him. It is so hard to explain even to this day. I did not want to date Ben. But I knew I was supposed to? Ben was so faithful. Waiting patiently for my heart to figure things out. Waiting patiently for me to say "yes" to God. Waiting while I struggled and was angry about my Dad's diagnosis. Ben was ALWAYS there. When we did start officially dating, it finally felt so right. Immediately we became so close. Most couples take longer to progress to emotional levels like we did in just a few short months. I think it had to do with what was happening outside our relationship! I remember I knew that I loved him when he met my family and my Dad for the first time (I've always wanted a husband like my Dad). I remember the way he interacted with my family. So patient and loving. So caring and tender. 

Over the past 3 years that I've known Ben Belz, I've become more convinced how like Jesus he is. I've never been more convinced as I am now that Ben was the one man meant for me. Jesus knew what I needed. He placed Ben in my life in one of the most difficult seasons and has brought us through together. It is so sweet to know that Ben has seen it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I mean what other 24 year old would be willing to shower his Father-in-Law, or hug his Mother-in-Law when she cries. Benjamin Belz has the most loving heart I know. I have never felt so completely loved and cherished by anyone besides the Lord. He consistently communicates Truth. 

I don't know what I would do without the love of my life. Being in love with someone like Ben has caused me to grow so much. I see Jesus differently when I'm with Ben. I watch someone serve and lead SO selflessly. The way Ben loves others teaches me so much. How faithful and loyal he is. How honest and respectful he is. He loves like Jesus....relentlessly and unabashedly. 

Ben, you are the love of my life. I am so much more in love with you today, than a year ago. You are my greatest friend and ally. You encourage me. You love me. You support and lead me so well. The vows I wrote one year ago, I pledge to you again :)

My Beloved,

one year ago.

Today in front of our Jesus, family and friends,

I promise to love you in every season of our lives,

I choose to walk this path together forever,

Just like Ruth in the Bible I say: Where you go, I’ll go. Where you stay, I’ll stay.

I will continually commit to honor, respect, and cherish you,

I promise to always make sure you take care of your diabetes, and I will care for you as I care for my own body.

After praying and waiting for the One God had for me, I have worn this purity ring for 10 years and today I symbolically give it to you, I give you myself fully. I will keep myself only for you as long as we live.

I promise to remain faithful to you my Ben. I commit to seek Jesus while loving you. I choose to throw off all other entanglements and run hard after Jesus beside you. I set my goal in life to please both God and you in all things.

I promise to tenderly serve you, support, and stand by you all our days.

It is my joy to embrace this wonderful life with you my best friend.

Obviously the purity ring part is invalid now. Been there done that haha! I love you so much, my wonderful husband. You are my best friend. 

Your wife,

Kambly

thankful list.

Sometimes when I feel the tendency to be ungrateful is far outweighing my tendency to appreciate, I try to make a thankful list. I struggle with comparing myself to others. It's something I've become very aware about myself lately. I don't know why I do it. I compare my looks, my friendships, my marriage and my things. It just KILLS me. Once I start, it is almost as if I can't stop. I dig myself deeper and deeper until it feels as if I am at the bottom of a huge well. There the rope is too short for me to reach and pull myself out. Sometimes, if I am not too self-absorbed, I look around at the bottom and I see that Jesus is standing there with me. I ask Him for help and He invites me to stand on His shoulders so I can reach the rope. He helps me CHOOSE to get out of the well. Even though I know He's there with me, it's so hard for me to choose to get out of the darkness sometimes! In an effort to truly relish in thankfulness, I am going to list some things I'm thankful for :)

I'm thankful for...

1. Ben
2. my family
3. 11 months of marriage with my best friend
4. 9 year old hands holding mine
5. people calling me "Mrs. Belz"
6. being debt-free
7. my car, Suzi :)
8. my necklace Dad gave me on my wedding day
9. my Bible app
10. our down comforter
11. flowers in our home
12. peanut butter cookies
13. hugs that last long
14. smiles that light the room
15. my wedding ring
16. chai
17. Ben
18. my BU tervis
19. humidity making my hair curl
20. shampoo that smells like heaven 
21. talks with Mom
22. our apartment looking over the river
23. waco
24. our church
25. Truth
26. no babies yet
27. new married friends
28. encouraging texts
29. anniversary trip planning
30. my job
31. my phone
32. snapchat hehe
33. slurpees
34. drives with Ben
35. skies prettier than paint
36. late nights with friends
37. Ben
38. working with Sarah
39. jean shorts
40. my computer
41. having a sexy husband
42. dance with Dad at our wedding
43. SUMMER
44. colors
45. felt tipped pens
46. washer and dryer
47. grace
48. nail polish
49. emojis
50. JESUS. thank you Lord.

It feels good to speak thankfulness over yourself. I am thankful.

big hearted littles.

My 3rd graders are so sweet. Sometimes it's really easy for me to forget that. I spend so much time with 8 and 9 year olds that they really start to look big to me. I view them as mature individuals who should be able to sit still for an hour at a time! Alas, this is impossible for most ;) 

But what I really want to talk about today is how sweet my babies are. One of my students in my class is from West and their house was destroyed in the accident. Since he was at school the next day, I knew he would want to talk about what happened. Praise the Lord he and his family were at their church and were protected from the roof collapsing on them! Friday morning, instead of starting Reading right away, I decided to call one of our Family Meetings. I told the kids what happened in West and that a lot of families were affected by this. They were all so attentive and quiet as they listened to the events that led up to the explosion. As I told them information, I could see in their eyes this precious thing. I could see them have compassion, sympathy, empathy, love and the desire to help. How could I tell this? I am pretty perceptive and I spend almost 8 hours a day with each of them ;) I asked my student from West if he would like to share his story and he stood up in front of his friends. He talked and teared up about his house and the possibility of losing his pets. 

I wish I had a picture of my little 3rd graders. They were SO patient and respectful and just SUPPORTIVE to their friend. They peppered him with so many questions: How did you survive? Are your pets ok? Do you have money? Do you have clothes? Can we bring you toys? Are your cars ok? And on and on and on. My favorite question though was this: "Why were you at church?" and his answer was, "To worship God." I was so proud!! What a man he will be. He is going to be a bold sharer of the gospel, I know it! 

Basically, we all decided that we wanted to come up with some money for a giftcard for his family. The days after the explosion were filled with SO MANY people giving to this family. I love community! I was so especially proud of my big hearted little students. 

I love my job. I love my students....even though today they made me want to pull my HAIR out! Today I wrote them all encouraging notes and so many of them wrote me the sweetest notes back. It always makes me feel better after a day I've felt like I've constantly had to be on them about stuff. I feel so mean and harsh on those days. When they say I'm "the nicest" teacher...I think they're wrong, but at least it makes my heart full :) 

Grateful that Jesus encourages me through all people. Especially the ones we never expect, like 8 and 9 year olds. I love their little eyes, crazy hair in the mornings, and smelly bodies after recess. I especially love their tears of empathy and hugs of love. They make me so happy. I wish everyone could spend a week in a classroom and see what goes on. Children are so powerful. I love their minds and hearts. I love LOVE being around them. 

promises.

Ben and I went to Round Rock to help with my family this past Sunday (which we often do on the weekends) and it was a really hard day. Automatically when we decided to go, I was bombarded with feelings of guilt and uneasiness. Ben always says that he doesn't know why I feel guilty going to visit my family when it's the most un-selfish thing to do. I don't know, I just feel like I'm not BEING where I'm at. Or that I'm using too much gas etc etc. Ben is always the confirmer in situations like these. He ALWAYS says, "Kam. We're going. You want to see your family. I want to see your family. We want to help. There is no doubt that Jesus wants to bless them this way." I love Ben. Oh man I love him!!! Anyways, when we get there, it is SO hard. I feel so much doubt in Jesus' promise to heal. I feel so much discouragement and just extreme sadness.  When we left, I still felt this way: wishing I could help MORE, wishing I could take the pain and sadness away from me and my family. So many wishes.

We left Round Rock early enough to make it to church and we were trying to decide if we should indeed go since I was bawling in the car. We went. Praise sweet Jesus. I cannot EXPLAIN how perfect the entire service was. It was as if Jesus planned it out just for me. Songs about restoration, renewal, His love, letting go of burdens, new days, and more of His love. Oh man it washed over me like rain. Flooded with the Spirit and overwhelmed with His presence as I gave my family up to Him.

THEN the most amazing thing happened. This woman told one of the pastors she had a word for an individual in church tonight and for our congregation. Right then, I KNEW it was for me. I don't know how, I just knew. She got up and said that the Lord gave her a vision of a bag of groceries and in that bag were vegetables. All the vegetables had an expiration date on them, so that individual was throwing them away. BUT the Lord said those vegetables are MY PROMISES. There is NO EXPIRATION on them. You shouldn't give up because you have put an expiration date on them when there is none! My promises are GOOD and they NEVER run out OR expire!!!!!

BOOM. Hit Ben and I like a ton of bricks. We just start WEEPING in church. I can't explain the comfort I felt. Just of so many cries from my heart answered. It was like this verse:

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans."- Hebrews 8:26 MSG

What a good word. So needed!!!! Jesus seriously ROCKS. He is so tender, so rich with love. When fear or doubt creeps in, He is the hope for my soul.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."- Hebrews 6:19 NIV

Be encouraged. His promises have no expiration date.

hello january 4th.

Blogging is funny. I feel like I blog about the same things most of the time but I don't care. I like it.

I want to brag about my husband. Just because I love him so much. I always knew I would love being married but it has SO far exceeded my expectations.

ice-skating in Kansas

Ben is my BEST friend. He is every quality I want and need in a friend. (I can't believe that I almost didn't go on a first date with him!!!) I'm sure that most wives feel like this about their husband but you'd be wrong because BEN IS THE BEST. Just kidding. But really, he is. Ben is the man I prayed and waited for. Jesus is so sweet.

Being married to Ben Belz is the best experience I've ever had. Cheesy right? Don't care. Not only is he the HOTTEST sexiest man EVER, but he is a man of AMAZING character. I don't know many people who would so wholeheartedly love and help someone like Ben does. Every time we go home to my parent's house, Ben is one of the first people to jump up when my Dad needs something. Because Dad can't really talk anymore, communicating is very difficult. Typically conversations are a very long process and take so much patience from both my Dad and the person listening. Ben spent almost 2 hours getting my Dad's advice on car insurance because he knew it would mean a lot to him. Ben is such a man of patience and respect.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Ben is the most selfless person I have ever encountered. When I'm in a puddle of tears, he prays for me. When I feel sick or discouraged, he serves me better than I ever have been. He ALWAYS pursues me and it is a priority to him for me to feel loved. Over the break, I woke up many mornings and thought, "How in the world did I get so lucky?" Of course he responds, "I'm the lucky one." #whatever

Ben, you are the love of my life. Jesus chose the perfect partner and friend for me to spend life with. I love living life with you!!! I don't think I will ever lose the giddiness I feel when I see you. Whether it's from across our apartment, or down the hall at my school. I love being nerdy with you. And I love that my kids see how ridiculously awesome you are.....

"MR. BELZ ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!"

Why yes, little 3rd graders, he does. AND HE IS MINE.

.identity.

I AM...

Lately I've forgotten this. I needed the reminder that I am wonderful. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am secure in Him. I am loved.

Psalm 139: 5-6. 13-15

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

live a brave life.

Today I had almost 34 conferences with the parents of all our 3rd graders. It was awesome. It was so awesome because I got to see where my wonderful kids come from. I just love my kids. I love their hearts. They are so tender and rich. My babies come from all sorts of places: hard places, and good places. I pray for them a lot. Not only that they would know my Savior, but that they would have good friends, that they would remember what they studied, that they would be patient with others, and most of all that they would feel His love through me.

I really want to be brave every day. It is my goal to be so loving to them every day. I just wish I could hug their hearts. I wish I could talk to each of them for hours about things that they care about, besides warm-blooded and cold-blooded animals hehe. I've mentioned before about our Family Meetings on Fridays. This past Friday we did something different. I have been noticing my kids saying unkind things to each other so I decided to shake 'em up a little bit ;) I told them that we were EACH going to say something kind, encouraging and life-giving about each person in our class. They were like WHAT!?! Every person has to go!? Yes. Duh. You get 17 compliments, who wouldn't want that? I went first. Every student went around the circle and said something about me, my heart overflowed. They are such world changers. I know it!!!! One of them said, "I love you because you are the only teacher that has never yelled at me before." Then he teared up. Friends, I just about died right then and there. Cue heart melting into a puddle. They had so many kind things to say to their friends. I felt like Jesus was in the middle of our family circle playing with their hair or giving them high fives when they said encouraging things. MM MM GOOD.

Sometimes I don't feel brave. I feel beaten. Sometimes I feel like I've failed my kids, like I'm not patient or loving enough. Sometimes I just feel mean. Who knows -I am too hard on myself sometimes- Ben always reminds me. I am just now thinking this but I feel like Jesus told me that HE is the tender lover of our souls. He is the perfect teacher that I wish I could be. He is the one who never gets angry or annoyed with me, even though I don't do my homework and study scripture to battle the lies I believe. THANK you Jesus. Sometimes I wish everyone could be a teacher for a little while. It really is just an eye-opener. I can't imagine doing anything else. I love my job. I love my mission field. I love my kids.  I want to live a brave life. Bravely walking into school every day with courage and love and patience and grace and all things good as my weapons. I want to bravely witness to my kids through my actions. I want to live a brave life.

PS- if you're in Waco, you should stop by someday. Mrs. Belz's class loves to play tag and all things that involve joy and laughter and happiness. Also we love treats :)