Sunday, September 9, 2012

There has been a lot lately. I really miss writing about things on here, I think it helps me process somewhat.

First things first, I started my job a few weeks ago :) Praise Jesus what a blessing it has been! I cannot even describe how wonderful it is. Don't get me wrong, it's really hard. BUT it is SO GOOD!!! Isn't that funny how the hard things are really good sometimes? School is amazing. My kids are amazing. The staff is amazing. Jesus has blessed me immensely by placing me in my 3rd grade classroom.

I just FEEL the prayers being lifted up from the people I work with and especially from the parents of my kids. Each and every kid in my class is such a nugget!!! Here is such a good a good example of how precious my babies are: Every Friday we have a "Family Meeting" where we talk about different topics. We sit in a circle on the floor and one person talks at a time and everyone else listens. It's so rich. So this past Friday I came up with the topic, "something that makes you sad." I said, "boys and girls why do you think someone may want to talk about something that makes them sad? Why do you think it would help our family if we knew?" Many replied, "it would help us know where they are coming from and why they react to different things." I'm telling you, they are so mature sometimes. Anyways, I went first and I talked about my Dad. I'll explain this later in the post but I haven't really talked about this with anyone but my family in a long time. So I decided to open up to the people I spend the majority of my time with. I told them how my Daddy is very sick and has a disease that is called Lou Gehrig's disease. I said how it's kinda like cancer where it attacks parts of your body but what my Daddy has, attacks his muscles. Then all their hands went up....

  1. "Mrs. Belz, can it be cured?"
  2. "Can he speak?"
  3. "Does he get to eat food since his tongue doesn't work? I hope he doesn't starve."
  4. "Does he get to go places?"
Those were just a few. I teared up a lot. Maybe cried a little bit. It was the sweetest thing ever. They had such compassion. SO much love in there faces. I could tell that it made me a little more real to them. I wanted to tell them about Jesus and the hope He's given me, so badly. But oh my goodness, probably one of the best times in class. People continued to talk about things that made them sad. Some were serious and some were a little silly but everyone listened intently to what their friends had to say. I was so proud. AH MY HEART OVERFLOWS. 

I think it's so crazy how much love I have for those kids. I wish I could fully understand how much love my Father has for me. I am His beloved child. I am His favored. So sweet and good.

Another thing I've noticed is how interesting life has been lately. Husband has been so patient and loving with me as I've wrestled with issues. I just felt so...lonely...up until a few days ago. I felt lost. I felt like I wasn't intimate with Jesus. I felt like I was a forgotten friend since I had gotten married. I have lost the habit of being open with people. I used to be really good about it! But since my Dad's diagnosis, I have closed the doors to my heart and let few instead of many inside. Interesting. I don't really know about it yet, I haven't completely figured the whole thing out. I think I'm moving into a season where Jesus really does become my best friend. For so long I always had so many to turn to, and for so long I went to people first. I think this season I'm learning to glean love from Jesus. Glean acceptance from Jesus. Glean quality time from HIM! (Quality Time is my love language). This is a combination of the fact that I'm so tired after school and that husband is the most comforting person to be with during those times. Jesus has been so sweet opening my eyes the past few days. I don't really have anything figured out, I just feel like this season will truly be sweet. 

I'm sure of this: I'll march right into my mission field with my best friend holding my hand. Thanks Jesus for that picture. I love that He gives me pictures that just squeeze my soul and make the tears come out. 

On another note, I found a dead cockroach under our bed today. hor.ri.fied. Sick and WRONG. Husband got that stupid sucker. I've officially coined him as a superhero.....boldly killing bugs, one after another. I don't know about you but I would definitely consider that a superpower. Where Thor has a giant hammer, Ben has a vacuum. BOOM. I should present this idea to Marvel. 

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