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warning sign.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

i have two favorite bands. mumford & sons and coldplay. 
coldplay was the first cd i ever bought and i never get sick of them.

this post goes out to my bestie anna. driving around d-town listening to this song last night brought me happiness.
i love that feeling. full.
 music does bring me happiness. so do my best friends.
do me a favor and listen to this song.


i miss you ans, loves ya!

oh holy night.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

my favorite christmas song of all time is "oh holy night."
right now i have 10 different versions in line on grooveshark.
i love it!
but really. think about the lyrics. i wish we sung this in church all year. 

long lay the world, in sin and error pining
till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth.
a thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices,
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

sheesh. want a little background?
placide cappeau, what an author. in 1847 a priest asked him to write a poem for christmas. he did and wrote a beautiful hymn. he asked his friend adolphe adams to compose music to go along with the words. oh p.s, it was first written in french :)

the rest of the words in the song are so beautiful as well. but i love the lyric "long lay the world, in sin and error pining till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth." 
we don't deserve His perfection. His mercy. His love.


merry christmas everyone!!



little kids.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

one of my favorite things in life are little kids. 
miranda is the cutest!






my little favie :)

my christmas miracle.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

well the fam has been really struggling with money lately. no surprise since my dad can't work anymore. it's gotten really difficult for him to talk/walk. i've been stressing and worrying about how i'm going to not only survive the baylor materialism mindset but how my family is going to pay the bills. 

it really is silly that i was so overwhelmed. i always do this! typical kambly, picking up the burdens and worries that He tells me to leave behind with Him. 

my family has a really cool, unique story of how the Lord has provided to us when we had literally no way to pay the bills. for example, when i was a freshman in high school, our car got repossessed at least 2 times (i would ask my parents but they aren't home). if you aren't familiar with what it means to get your car repossessed, look it up. it's humiliating and extremely humbling to look out the window and watch our car get towed away (i don't know if i've ever thought about that before). well our neighbors paid for us to get it back once and somehow we were miraculously given money the second time. 
our ac has broken during the summer....no way to pay for it to get fixed....and we find an envelope of cash in our mailbox. countless stories such as these and i STILL WORRY. 
get it together kam, get it together

so i'm sure you're wondering (you few people who read my blog) what it is that happened?! what is this christmas miracle that is referenced in your title!?!?!? 

let. me. tell. you.

fact one: we have no money. fact two: no christmas presents this year. fact three: life sucks.
BOOM
some ladies my mom used to work with tell her to come to the preschool because they have a present for her. mom and i walk in and they are all standing in a circle. they give her an envelope with a $500 visa gift card and and a $500 check. cue the waterworks from mom. bawling. i'm shockingly able to keep it together. all the ladies move and there are three little christmas trees and a poster with gift cards and cash covering them (money really does grow on trees!). every year, each preschool class chooses a family in need that they can help. every class chose ours. once again, humbling. wanna see a picture? here i'll show you.


as you can see...lots of gift cards to lots of places. wanna know how much it added up to be? 
i'll show you that too.

 

yea. ummm. speechless. God REALLY provides.

oh! another cool thing: this lady wrote my parents a letter and was like "i want to give you something that lasts longer than a night" etc and basically said that since she is an occupational therapist, her clinic place is going to look at our house for free and tell us what improvements need to be made for my dad. 

well people. if you are worrying about money....just stop. because He will provide. He will. HE WILL!

i hope this brings you happiness. because He once again showed up and totally rocked my stupid human mind. i hope He rocks yours this christmas season

it truly was a christmas miracle. i'm feeling a really corny song coming on right about now....

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

old people.

Friday, December 10, 2010

one of my favorite places to go in waco is the starbucks in woodway. the reason i love it is because i'm surrounded by older people. i have found a few places in waco where i like to escape the "baylor people," as grandma dorothy would say. i really like old people. i like them because they, for the most part, are very wise. on monday, an older man sat next to me and got out his bible and journal. right then i wished that he was my grandpa. he was sooo cute with his little fedora and bible. it made me realize that i want so much to have someone in waco that is older and wiser than me. just to live life with and have someone here to put things back into real life perspective (because we all know the baylor bubble isn't real life). i'm at starbucks right now and these women next to me are praying.
three things: 1- i really love waco. 2- i really love the bible belt. 3- i freaking love seeing people praying. 

just thoughts.

beheld.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

time to read.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

one of my favorite things about the christmas season is that it is my time to read. 
christmas break means time to read. i actually have time to let myself escape into a good book.
christmas break means re-reading harry potter books. it's what i do every year. yay!
this year i'll have headphones playing coldplay's new song on repeat, my mug of chai, and i'll be wrapped up in my sweatshirt blanket. doesn't that sound lovely? does to me.
eeeeeeeeeeeek literally can't wait.

p.s.- anna, so glad that you put that video on your blog. this is why we are besties. 
coldplay will never get old to me. i love them. always. and. forever.

You alone can rescue.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

lately i've been struggling with some questions. formed out of lies and hurt. the biggest question i've had the past few days is this: how am i suppose to have faith that the Lord will give me peace right now when the end result is heartbreaking? how am i supposed to be okay today knowing the future that is coming?

i've been wrestling and wrestling. wishing i had answers. all i know is that i can't do this without Him. living these past few days feeling out of fellowship with the Lord has been horrible. literally. every part of me is ill. i'm physically sick, mentally tired, emotionally exhausted, and spiritually aching. this time out of the Lord's fellowship has made me realize that i don't have to have the answers because i literally don't know them. i'm not going to focus on those unanswered questions. i just need Him to hold me. i need to know that someone is with me. someone is with me through this overwhelming sadness. 

david talks a lot about feeling as if he is in the "depths of despair." 

Psalm 30

1 I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.
      You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
 2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
      and you restored my health.
 3 You brought me up from the grave, O Lord.
      You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

He alone can rescue me. He did rescue me out of this pit. i sing this anthem today because He is the giver of life. He saves me.

Who, oh Lord, could save themselves, 



Their own soul could heal? 
Our shame was deeper than the sea 
Your grace is deeper still 

Who, oh Lord, could save themselves, 
Their own soul could heal? 
Our shame was deeper than the sea 
Your grace is deeper still 

You alone can rescue, You alone can save 
You alone can lift us from the grave 
You came down to find us, led us out of death 
To You alone belongs the highest praise 

You, oh Lord, have made a way 
The great divide You heal 
For when our hearts were far away 
Your love went further still 
Yes, your love goes further still 

You alone can rescue, You alone can save 
You alone can lift us from the grave 
You came down to find us, led us out of death 
To You alone belongs the highest praise 
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You alone belongs the highest praise

You alone

happy turkey day!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

holidays are hard, i've decided. everything is different these days.  
reminder to self: give thanks for the good :)
cute little turkey treats!
#1 thing i'm thankful for today: another thanksgiving with daddy.

rethink possible.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

this is why i love at&t. 

3:17

i'm awake. still. it's 3:17. no one else is awake. and i just did some major blog renovations. who has time for that? me, that's who. oh well.......you only live once.

let me rest in You.

You dwell in the songs that we are singing
rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
our praises filling up the spaces
in between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
and i'm restless, i'm restless
'til i rest in You, 'til i rest in You
i'm restless, i'm restless
'til i rest in You, 'til i rest in You
oh God, i wanna rest in You
oh, speak now for my soul is listening
say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'cause i know You're more than my salvation
without You i am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart
and i'm restless, i'm restless
'til i rest in You, 'til i rest in You
i'm restless, i'm restless
'til i rest in You, 'til i rest in You
i wanna rest in You
still my heart hold me close
let me hear a still small voice
let it grow, let it rise
into a shout, into a cry
and i'm restless, i'm restless
'til i rest in You, let me rest in You
i'm restless, so restless
'til i rest in You, 'til i rest in You
oh God, i will rest in You

potter world.

well thursday night i went to the midnight showing of harry potter. didn't get home till 3 and it was so worth it. although i did realize that i don't particularly like staying up into the wee hours of the morning. guess that means i'm getting old. i'm okay with that, bring on the years!

ϟ

always my outfit of choice...

literally love flannel these days.

47.

Dear Dad,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Woa, 47, you’re old. You’d never think it! First of all, thanks for being my dad. Not just my dad, but my friend and example. Thank you for being in my life these 21 years. I really feel so blessed when I talk about you because not many dads cared to be as involved as you. It really means a lot to me. The other day I was asked one thing that my dad has taught me or led by example and I really couldn’t think of just one thing. I eventually nailed it to choice. I have the choice to be sad and dwell on something, or I have the choice to move on and make the best out of every situation. Thanks for being such an example, a godly example, that I couldn’t think of one thing easily. I told my friend that my life is comprised of so many things and beliefs that are the same as my parents. I’m grateful for that. Life is full of choices. It’s the choices that we make that either keep us focused on ourselves, or glorify Him.

I’m excited it is your birthday today, Dad. I love seeing how many people love you. I love hearing stories about how you have affected people. I love that the boys are getting baptized today just like I was baptized 6 years ago. I love that you led all of my brothers to Christ. You’re the coolest.

There are so many memories that are so sweet to me, Dad. I remember our “first date” to Lion King. I am thankful that you set the standard to how I expect guys to treat me. Thanks for treating mom well. I really don’t what I’d be like if it wasn’t for you. Your involvement and care has helped me become who I am today. I remember you swinging us around in big blankets in the living room. I remember you playing “chase” with us even though you were exhausted from working all day. I remember you always taking us to Wells Branch and the “Castle Park.” I remember bike rides. I remember you teaching me how to ride my bike. I remember you teaching me how to drive. I remember you tucking me in every night. I remember being scared at night and you staying till I fell asleep. I remember “Jelly Belly” when I had growing pains. I remember that one time I cried wolf and you got so mad at me haha.  I remember you comforting me when my heart was broken. I remember you going on dates with mom. I remember you driving me to TP my friends’ houses. One of my favorite memories is your prayer journal. I love the look of composition notebooks because it reminds me of your prayers. I remember how one time we were looking on the bottom of your closet and found boxes and boxes of prayers since you were 13 years old. Thanks for that. You’re such an example. Thanks forshowing what it looks like to pursue the Lord.

Dad, you are the most amazing man I know. I’m so proud to call you my encouraging father. Dad, someday when you can’t walk because of this disease you have, I’ll be there. I’ll push your wheelchair. I’ll hold your hand while we go down the aisle together. And Dad, when you can’t talk because of this disease, I’ll remember what your voice sounded like. I’ll remember you praying with me every night. Thank you from showing me what it means to love. Thank you for loving me greatly. Thank you for sacrificing. I can’t express my gratitude. You are the best dad I could fathom. I wouldn’t trade these awesome, crazy, hard, fun 21 years with you for anything. Love you so much Daddy.
kam

autumnal.

i want real fall. i want autumn. where the leaves fall and are perfectly brilliant colors.
at 11:11 i will wish for that. dang, now it won't come true.

chi-town.

it's been a while.  i've miss you, blog.
chicago is lovely. if it wasn't for the sub-arctic temperatures, i'd live there in a heartbeat. this weekend was so necessary. it was such a treasure because i got to see my best friend's life and understand her more. the gap between our college lives in austin and our college lives at school has been closed, i love that. seeing the sites and being touristy with april was just so....fun (for lack of a better word). sushi, laughing, spending money, walking and walking, late night pizza, people watching, salvation army, riding trains, tea, shopping, and talking. breathing. just breathing in the city. as i looked up at all the high buildings that made me feel so small, i couldn't help but contemplate the vastness of God. kinda freaks me out. i miss the air in chicago. the brisk wind that made me catch my breath and the impossible attempt to hold on to it like a fleeting thought. the miles of ground so hard and stable. stability. it was good to just be this weekend with "no regrets," as my dad would say.
as i grope for words to illuminate my excursion, i find that i can only settle on the deep friendship that i so appreciate. my bosom friend april. constant and true. what a treasure. i hope i can bless someone as much as she has with her shear ability to be afriend. the very essence of the definition. friend- a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter. love her.
well enough of that. on to pictures.
pumpkin spice cupcake. yum.
big red chair.
argo tea.
nervous about my first cab.
freezing at lake michigan.
beeeeaaaaaan.
rawr.
jump cuz i'm happy!
we'll meet again soon, chicago. sometime in the spring.

lamentations.

It's a Good Thing to Hope for Help from God
19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
-The Message

seriously?

I'm awake at 4am. This is quite a regular occurrence for me. I'm annoyed. And in that stage of tiredness where your stomach feels a little sick. Ya know it? Ps. shout out to Anna who is driving back from Destin right now...bleck what a terrible thing to stay up all night. Well I am going to be "productive" here on my little blog so I'll just go ahead and say what I'm EXCITED for about going back to Baylor. In no specific order of course.
  1. Sleeping in Nicole's bed all semester.
  2. Seeing Anna.
  3. Having really cool neighbors.
  4. GLEE STARTS SOON.
  5. Not having to work as much. I'm clocked in right now. Hehe.
  6. Having a car!!!
  7. Sunshine and rollerblading
  8. Sonic happy hour. We have that here too but it's just not the same.
  9. New things await!
  10. Sisterhood retreat. Haha adda girl lauren!
  11. MUMFORD & SONS CONCERT!!!! Well it's in Dallas. Still in the greater bubble of Baylor?
  12. I'm turning 21 in a month. Weird I'm the oldest?
  13. Beartrail. Love that thing.
  14. I really need to paint my nails right now. Also I think I'm hungry. Who gets hungry this early?
  15. 25 miles till Anna gets to Houston! Maybe she can sleep at Tiana's?
  16. Oh back to the list, I'm excited to utilize my new phone on campus! Twitpic this! Twitpic that!
  17. I got new curtains. I like them. I spent WAAAAY too much money this summer.
  18. I GO TO CHICAGO SOON! Eeeeeeee can't wait to see the bean. And April.
  19. I want to go to the lake soon. Bo?
  20. I'm sick of making this list so I'm gonna go now.

big bad news.

A lot of people have been asking me how I am, now knowing that my dad is going to die. Well as expected, I am not okay haha. I've always said "I don't know what I would do without my dad" and so thinking about what I'm ACTUALLY going to have to do without my dad is scaring the crap out of me. I feel like I can see all the things that are going to happen, like my dad not being there when I get married, or when I have kids. I see them and I feel the pain and weight of that knowledge just pushing at the outskirts of my mind. Trying to break free and crush me under sadness.

Yea, I know that God has a plan and that it will be good in the long run. I do know that. I know that God's ultimate purpose in allowing this to happen is so that He is glorified. I know all the Sunday school answers for why my dad is sick. But it's not really what I need to hear right now. I mean, this sucks. Really bad. For my whole family. If you're looking to comfort me, right now, I just need you to BE with me. Hug me when I cry, cry with me, talk about how bad this sucks. That's where I'm at right now.

I know the Lord provides. I've experienced miracles. It's hard to pray for a miracle that my dad be healed when the doctors say it's impossible. But then again, I do worship the God of the Impossible. I will lean on the Lord for comfort because He is the only true comforter. He did lose His only Son.

Funny, I get a bible verse every morning on my phone and He is so faithful with encouraging me:
"We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
2 Corinthians 4:16
Hahah, my dad just informed me that he wants to move to Beliz. OKAY dad.

tea freak.

I love tea. Not more than Coke. But it is my caffeine fix when I choose not to drink Coke (very very rare). And....
TODAY IS FREE TEA DAY AT MCALISTER'S!!
Don't worry, this shirt is only $12.95.

savvy.

I feel really technologically savvy..I learned how to make ringtones on my iTunes and put them on my phone. I have to admit that I've spent a ridiculous amount of time doing this. Everyboday gets a ringtone!! WHOO! (spoken like the "everyboday gets a humpback whale!!")

Also, breaking news. Ben Rector has a new EP. Get it.

And, recently I've been obsessed with Mumford & Sons. So if you don't know them, go listen. Awake my Soul is my favorite. Little Lion Man is too but it has a really abrupt cuss word in the middle of the chorus. So that limits the times I can listen to it, don't want to pollute the little puberty ears of my brothers. Good sister right?

In addition, I love kids. Babysitting Maranda yesterday (she's 2) and we were at Chick Fil A, she's sees this guy and goes "WOA THAT MAN IS A VERY BIG MAN!!" Real loud. Real embarrassing. Real real funny. To be fair...he was extremely large. Kids say the darndest things.

when it rains.

My favorite thing about rain in the summertime is the smell after rain hits the hot concrete. Makes me not want to wear shoes.

Also, and this has nothing to do with anything, but I just remembered that I had a dream last night where I saw Will Smith and Lebron James. COOL RIGHT!? I have really profound dreams.

prayer and healing.

So I've been wrestling with this topic a lot. Thinking, praying and talking about it. Here's some mixed thoughts.
God's kinda like the President. Some people believe that you can't just come to the President with any petty thing. That there are certain mediating ways but you don't just come rushing to the throne. But I think you can if you're the Presidents kid. If your his little son or daughter you have access to the Oval Office because that's not just the President, he's also Daddy. Who cares what your problem is! God wants to commune with us. He sent His son Jesus Christ to connect with us. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" Hebrews 4:16.

Cast ALL your cares upon Him! Psalm 55 says to "roll" your burdens onto the Lord and He'll sustain you.
You see, it's all about response. You can't just pray "get me out, get me out," you have to pray "God give me perspective in this." Of course I can ask to get out of tragedy. Jesus did! It makes sense to talk to God. He's the right guy to go to! Wherever I am in the spectrum of my life, my response SHOULD be to talk to God. Am I doing that?
God can heal people. It's up to God's sovereign will. The prayer of faith will save. Yeah, sometimes He doesn't. But that's not the point of our lives. Everyone is gonna end up dead in the end. The point of my life is to bring Him GLORY! So if I'm praying for my dad in faith, He will be glorified. If my dad doesn't have a life threatening sickness and is healed, He will be glorified. If my dad has a life threatening disease and goes to be with Him, He will be glorified. My response will potentially bring God more glory. I trust that He has a plan for my life. This stress sucks. But I've already seen His provision through this situation.

He's calling my attention to something glorious. In my sin, God did send someone to rescue me. It was His son. No matter how dark and twisted my life has become, I can call to Him.

So I'm gonna keep praying, I'm not gonna give up.

God loves to work miracles. God loves to save me.

breathe deeply.

Oh wassup Breathe Deeply logo?

when in need.

I doubt, He delivers. God provides.
Can I get an Amen?

old.

Just looking through pics when I found this treasure.....
Look how cute I used to be?!?!?!!?!?!

take it easy.

I encountered one of those moments on friday that makes you feel alive:
Listening to Take it Easy with the top down, in a jeep, with a coke in my hand, on the way to the pool.
Just one of those times that makes you think....I was made for this.
I love being outside, even if I am drenched in sweat.

dear dad...

Wow what to say. Thank you?  Thank you for making Jesus the cornerstone of our family. Thank you for showing what it means to selflessly love. Thank you for never putting yourself first. Thank you for sacrificing jobs and dreams to keep us kids in the same school. Thank you for showing what it means to be a good husband, a man worthy of that title. Thanks for all those dates, just me and you, from the Lion King to Starbucks. Thank you for showing what it means to be a parent, encouraging and offering up wise council when I was an idiot. Thanks for helping me to grasp onto Jesus to help me up when I fall. Thank you for being His follower first and foremost. Thanks for Baylor. Thanks for never giving up and never letting me either. Thank you.

It seems so cliche to say that I can't think of a better dad. But I really can't. I don't know anyone who does this job as well as you. I am who I am because of your guidance and encouragement. Words can't describe how much you mean to me and how much I love you dad. Literally, I'm out of words. Thanks for running this race with me daddy.
I love you.

joy in pain.

If I could, I would take this wheelchair to heaven with me.  Standing next to my Savior, Jesus Christ, I would say, “Lord, do you see this wheelchair?  Well, before you send it to hell, I want to tell you something about it.  You were right when you said that in this world we would have trouble.  There’s a lot of trouble being a quadriplegic.  But you know what?  The weaker I was in that thing, the harder I leaned on you, and the harder I leaned on you, the stronger I discovered you to be.  Thank you for the bruising blessing it was, this severe mercy.  Thank you.” - Joni Eareckson

Wow. What if we all viewed suffering as a sovereign thing? Whether it is physical, emotional or relational. What if we viewed every pain as a bruising blessing and a severe mercy? We realize that yes, pain is real. It hurts. But it's only temporary. Something glorious is in the future.

A lot of times we find ourselves wrestling with the fact that we are going through a painful circumstance, saying "this isn't fair. why me?" When we SHOULD realize that pain is the one thing that the whole world has in common. Suffering is the only thingevery human being has in common. Not everyone gets joy, but everyone gets pain.

In James chapter 1, he talks about considering it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds because we know that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. This verse comes across like James is saying be happy that you are going through trials so that you can go  through more! But really it's kind of like when we were "conditioned" in school. When we were younger, the alphabet seemed like torture to have to write out all TWENTY SIX letters haha. But now that's a piece of cake and we can take on 10 page papers!

What James is saying is that the reason we should be joyful in times of suffering is because we know that something greater lies ahead. That we can rage against the pain because it wasn't always like this. And it won't always be like this. There is life in the future. JOY beyond expression in Christ.

If I can walk through the pain that I'm experiencing, correctly, it will change me into something else better. And isn't that worth it? Pain makes me deal with God. Not just deal with him, but love him.

languages.

Languages are really weird. I was sitting in Spanish class today and I listen, having to change the words into English in my head. Why do Spanish speakers talk so fast? Why are h's silent? And v's sound like b's? I feel like Spanish speakers use their tongues a lot more. I mean that in the talking way, you sicko. Sometimes I really like the sensation of someone talking and you have no idea what they're saying. Is that weird?
P.S- I want to go to Spain. España that is.

confession.

I have an obsession with wedding photos. Of random people. On random websites. Literally love them. All the brides are so radiant and the grooms so enraptured. And don't even get me started on the colors and the flowers and the lights and just how it all looks like their absolute perfect day. Hooray!
Told you I'm obsessed.

like a lion.

Let love explode and bring the dead to life.
A love so bold
To see a revolution somehow.
Let love explode and bring the dead to life.
A love so bold
To bring a revolution somehow.
Now I'm lost in your freedom
This world I'll overcome.
My God is not dead,
He's surely alive.
He's living on the inside,
Roaring like a lion.
Let hope arise and make the darkness hide.
My faith is dead,
I need a resurrection somehow.
Let Heaven roar and fire fall.
Come shake the ground
With the sound of revival.
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