A lot of people have been asking me how I am, now knowing that my dad is going to die. Well as expected, I am not okay haha. I've always said "I don't know what I would do without my dad" and so thinking about what I'm ACTUALLY going to have to do without my dad is scaring the crap out of me. I feel like I can see all the things that are going to happen, like my dad not being there when I get married, or when I have kids. I see them and I feel the pain and weight of that knowledge just pushing at the outskirts of my mind. Trying to break free and crush me under sadness.
Yea, I know that God has a plan and that it will be good in the long run. I do know that. I know that God's ultimate purpose in allowing this to happen is so that He is glorified. I know all the Sunday school answers for why my dad is sick. But it's not really what I need to hear right now. I mean, this sucks. Really bad. For my whole family. If you're looking to comfort me, right now, I just need you to BE with me. Hug me when I cry, cry with me, talk about how bad this sucks. That's where I'm at right now.
I know the Lord provides. I've experienced miracles. It's hard to pray for a miracle that my dad be healed when the doctors say it's impossible. But then again, I do worship the God of the Impossible. I will lean on the Lord for comfort because He is the only true comforter. He did lose His only Son.
Funny, I get a bible verse every morning on my phone and He is so faithful with encouraging me:
"We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
2 Corinthians 4:16
Hahah, my dad just informed me that he wants to move to Beliz. OKAY dad.
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