one of my favorite places to go in waco is the starbucks in woodway. the reason i love it is because i'm surrounded by older people. i have found a few places in waco where i like to escape the "baylor people," as grandma dorothy would say. i really like old people. i like them because they, for the most part, are very wise. on monday, an older man sat next to me and got out his bible and journal. right then i wished that he was my grandpa. he was sooo cute with his little fedora and bible. it made me realize that i want so much to have someone in waco that is older and wiser than me. just to live life with and have someone here to put things back into real life perspective (because we all know the baylor bubble isn't real life). i'm at starbucks right now and these women next to me are praying.

three things: 1- i really love waco. 2- i really love the bible belt. 3- i freaking love seeing people praying. 

just thoughts.

You alone can rescue.

lately i've been struggling with some questions. formed out of lies and hurt. the biggest question i've had the past few days is this: how am i suppose to have faith that the Lord will give me peace right now when the end result is heartbreaking? how am i supposed to be okay today knowing the future that is coming?

i've been wrestling and wrestling. wishing i had answers. all i know is that i can't do this without Him. living these past few days feeling out of fellowship with the Lord has been horrible. literally. every part of me is ill. i'm physically sick, mentally tired, emotionally exhausted, and spiritually aching. this time out of the Lord's fellowship has made me realize that i don't have to have the answers because i literally don't know them. i'm not going to focus on those unanswered questions. i just need Him to hold me. i need to know that someone is with me. someone is with me through this overwhelming sadness. 

david talks a lot about feeling as if he is in the "depths of despair." 

^{Psalm 30}

¹ I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.

      You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

 ² O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,

      and you restored my health.

 ³ You brought me up from the grave, O Lord.

      You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

He alone can rescue me. He did rescue me out of this pit. i sing this anthem today because He is the giver of life. He saves me.

Who, oh Lord, could save themselves, 

Their own soul could heal? 

Our shame was deeper than the sea 

Your grace is deeper still 

Who, oh Lord, could save themselves, 

Their own soul could heal? 

Our shame was deeper than the sea 

Your grace is deeper still 

You alone can rescue, You alone can save 

You alone can lift us from the grave 

You came down to find us, led us out of death 

To You alone belongs the highest praise 

You, oh Lord, have made a way 

The great divide You heal 

For when our hearts were far away 

Your love went further still 

Yes, your love goes further still 

You alone can rescue, You alone can save 

You alone can lift us from the grave 

You came down to find us, led us out of death 

To You alone belongs the highest praise 

To You alone belongs the highest praise

To You alone belongs the highest praise

You alone

prayer and healing.

So I've been wrestling with this topic a lot. Thinking, praying and talking about it. Here's some mixed thoughts.

God's kinda like the President. Some people believe that you can't just come to the President with any petty thing. That there are certain mediating ways but you don't just come rushing to the throne. But I think you can if you're the Presidents kid. If your his little son or daughter you have access to the Oval Office because that's not just the President, he's also Daddy. Who cares what your problem is! God wants to commune with us. He sent His son Jesus Christ to connect with us. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" Hebrews 4:16.

Cast ALL your cares upon Him! Psalm 55 says to "roll" your burdens onto the Lord and He'll sustain you.

You see, it's all about response. You can't just pray "get me out, get me out," you have to pray "God give me perspective in this." Of course I can ask to get out of tragedy. Jesus did! It makes sense to talk to God. He's the right guy to go to! Wherever I am in the spectrum of my life, my response SHOULD be to talk to God. Am I doing that?

God can heal people. It's up to God's sovereign will. The prayer of faith will save. Yeah, sometimes He doesn't. But that's not the point of our lives. Everyone is gonna end up dead in the end. The point of my life is to bring Him GLORY! So if I'm praying for my dad in faith, He will be glorified. If my dad doesn't have a life threatening sickness and is healed, He will be glorified. If my dad has a life threatening disease and goes to be with Him, He will be glorified. My response will potentially bring God more glory. I trust that He has a plan for my life. This stress sucks. But I've already seen His provision through this situation.

He's calling my attention to something glorious. In my sin, God did send someone to rescue me. It was His son. No matter how dark and twisted my life has become, I can call to Him.

So I'm gonna keep praying, I'm not gonna give up.

God loves to work miracles. God loves to save me.

when in need.

I doubt, He delivers. God provides.

Can I get an Amen?