married one year.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Happy 1 Year Anniversary to my Ben.

I can't believe a whole year has gone by. I always talk to people about how marriage is the BEST. I really do believe that!!!

This year has been the best year of my life. I can't imagine what life would be like if Jesus didn't give me Ben. I look back to when I first met Ben and didn't realize that God had a hand in it then, but I so do now. 

first night we met.
3 years ago I met a joyful, fun, and crazy dancer named Ben Belz. I remember the first time I saw him I thought, "Well he's kinda cute." I thought he was cute in a mysterious yet teddy-bear like way. I met him in April of my Sophomore year. I had just gone through a break up and WAS NOT looking for anyone to like. We went to an animated movie and then a dance party (so indicative of our life together now). I remember thinking that he was so peaceful and yet so happy at the same time. I remember wanting to be around him. He had a confidence about him that I lacked so greatly. Being around Ben was like being closer to Jesus, my Spirit felt so lifted. During this time, I was wrecked emotionally. Not many people knew how broken my heart was. I was so worried because my Dad was starting to slur his speech, we knew something was wrong, but not what. I felt insecure. I felt alone. I was clinging onto Jesus with every ounce that was within me because I felt so desperate. Over the next few months, Ben and I would talk occasionally or hang out with a group of people. During this time, we gradually learned a little more about what was happening with my Dad. 

During that summer, Ben and I talked ALL the time. We would text and skype. I remember thinking to myself, "Why do I feel so drawn to him? Why do I feel like I should share about the situation with my Dad? Why do I feel like I'm supposed to talk to him more and more?" I remember sharing the situation with Ben about Dad and how scared I was to find out what was going on. I knew he would pray for me. Not in a flippant way, but truly pray in earnest. Later I found out that Ben was so moved by me sharing everything and so moved by my family's situation that he cried with his friends about it. He is such a compassionate man. 

The next few months after we found out my Dad had Lou Gehrig's disease, Ben pursued me relentlessly. I refused so many times even though I had this feeling in my Spirit that I was supposed to be with him. It is so hard to explain even to this day. I did not want to date Ben. But I knew I was supposed to? Ben was so faithful. Waiting patiently for my heart to figure things out. Waiting patiently for me to say "yes" to God. Waiting while I struggled and was angry about my Dad's diagnosis. Ben was ALWAYS there. When we did start officially dating, it finally felt so right. Immediately we became so close. Most couples take longer to progress to emotional levels like we did in just a few short months. I think it had to do with what was happening outside our relationship! I remember I knew that I loved him when he met my family and my Dad for the first time (I've always wanted a husband like my Dad). I remember the way he interacted with my family. So patient and loving. So caring and tender. 

Over the past 3 years that I've known Ben Belz, I've become more convinced how like Jesus he is. I've never been more convinced as I am now that Ben was the one man meant for me. Jesus knew what I needed. He placed Ben in my life in one of the most difficult seasons and has brought us through together. It is so sweet to know that Ben has seen it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I mean what other 24 year old would be willing to shower his Father-in-Law, or hug his Mother-in-Law when she cries. Benjamin Belz has the most loving heart I know. I have never felt so completely loved and cherished by anyone besides the Lord. He consistently communicates Truth. 

I don't know what I would do without the love of my life. Being in love with someone like Ben has caused me to grow so much. I see Jesus differently when I'm with Ben. I watch someone serve and lead SO selflessly. The way Ben loves others teaches me so much. How faithful and loyal he is. How honest and respectful he is. He loves like Jesus....relentlessly and unabashedly. 

Ben, you are the love of my life. I am so much more in love with you today, than a year ago. You are my greatest friend and ally. You encourage me. You love me. You support and lead me so well. The vows I wrote one year ago, I pledge to you again :)

My Beloved,
one year ago.

Today in front of our Jesus, family and friends,

I promise to love you in every season of our lives,

I choose to walk this path together forever,

Just like Ruth in the Bible I say: Where you go, I’ll go. Where you stay, I’ll stay.

I will continually commit to honor, respect, and cherish you,

I promise to always make sure you take care of your diabetes, and I will care for you as I care for my own body.

After praying and waiting for the One God had for me, I have worn this purity ring for 10 years and today I symbolically give it to you, I give you myself fully. I will keep myself only for you as long as we live.

I promise to remain faithful to you my Ben. I commit to seek Jesus while loving you. I choose to throw off all other entanglements and run hard after Jesus beside you. I set my goal in life to please both God and you in all things.

I promise to tenderly serve you, support, and stand by you all our days.

It is my joy to embrace this wonderful life with you my best friend.

Obviously the purity ring part is invalid now. Been there done that haha! I love you so much, my wonderful husband. You are my best friend. 

Your wife,

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