Ben and I went to Round Rock to help with my family this past Sunday (which we often do on the weekends) and it was a really hard day. Automatically when we decided to go, I was bombarded with feelings of guilt and uneasiness. Ben always says that he doesn't know why I feel guilty going to visit my family when it's the most un-selfish thing to do. I don't know, I just feel like I'm not BEING where I'm at. Or that I'm using too much gas etc etc. Ben is always the confirmer in situations like these. He ALWAYS says, "Kam. We're going. You want to see your family. I want to see your family. We want to help. There is no doubt that Jesus wants to bless them this way." I love Ben. Oh man I love him!!! Anyways, when we get there, it is SO hard. I feel so much doubt in Jesus' promise to heal. I feel so much discouragement and just extreme sadness.  When we left, I still felt this way: wishing I could help MORE, wishing I could take the pain and sadness away from me and my family. So many wishes.

We left Round Rock early enough to make it to church and we were trying to decide if we should indeed go since I was bawling in the car. We went. Praise sweet Jesus. I cannot EXPLAIN how perfect the entire service was. It was as if Jesus planned it out just for me. Songs about restoration, renewal, His love, letting go of burdens, new days, and more of His love. Oh man it washed over me like rain. Flooded with the Spirit and overwhelmed with His presence as I gave my family up to Him.

THEN the most amazing thing happened. This woman told one of the pastors she had a word for an individual in church tonight and for our congregation. Right then, I KNEW it was for me. I don't know how, I just knew. She got up and said that the Lord gave her a vision of a bag of groceries and in that bag were vegetables. All the vegetables had an expiration date on them, so that individual was throwing them away. BUT the Lord said those vegetables are MY PROMISES. There is NO EXPIRATION on them. You shouldn't give up because you have put an expiration date on them when there is none! My promises are GOOD and they NEVER run out OR expire!!!!!

BOOM. Hit Ben and I like a ton of bricks. We just start WEEPING in church. I can't explain the comfort I felt. Just of so many cries from my heart answered. It was like this verse:

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans."- Hebrews 8:26 MSG

What a good word. So needed!!!! Jesus seriously ROCKS. He is so tender, so rich with love. When fear or doubt creeps in, He is the hope for my soul.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."- Hebrews 6:19 NIV

Be encouraged. His promises have no expiration date.

hello january 4th.

Blogging is funny. I feel like I blog about the same things most of the time but I don't care. I like it.

I want to brag about my husband. Just because I love him so much. I always knew I would love being married but it has SO far exceeded my expectations.

ice-skating in Kansas

Ben is my BEST friend. He is every quality I want and need in a friend. (I can't believe that I almost didn't go on a first date with him!!!) I'm sure that most wives feel like this about their husband but you'd be wrong because BEN IS THE BEST. Just kidding. But really, he is. Ben is the man I prayed and waited for. Jesus is so sweet.

Being married to Ben Belz is the best experience I've ever had. Cheesy right? Don't care. Not only is he the HOTTEST sexiest man EVER, but he is a man of AMAZING character. I don't know many people who would so wholeheartedly love and help someone like Ben does. Every time we go home to my parent's house, Ben is one of the first people to jump up when my Dad needs something. Because Dad can't really talk anymore, communicating is very difficult. Typically conversations are a very long process and take so much patience from both my Dad and the person listening. Ben spent almost 2 hours getting my Dad's advice on car insurance because he knew it would mean a lot to him. Ben is such a man of patience and respect.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Ben is the most selfless person I have ever encountered. When I'm in a puddle of tears, he prays for me. When I feel sick or discouraged, he serves me better than I ever have been. He ALWAYS pursues me and it is a priority to him for me to feel loved. Over the break, I woke up many mornings and thought, "How in the world did I get so lucky?" Of course he responds, "I'm the lucky one." #whatever

Ben, you are the love of my life. Jesus chose the perfect partner and friend for me to spend life with. I love living life with you!!! I don't think I will ever lose the giddiness I feel when I see you. Whether it's from across our apartment, or down the hall at my school. I love being nerdy with you. And I love that my kids see how ridiculously awesome you are.....

"MR. BELZ ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!"

Why yes, little 3rd graders, he does. AND HE IS MINE.

.identity.

I AM...

Lately I've forgotten this. I needed the reminder that I am wonderful. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am secure in Him. I am loved.

Psalm 139: 5-6. 13-15

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

live a brave life.

Today I had almost 34 conferences with the parents of all our 3rd graders. It was awesome. It was so awesome because I got to see where my wonderful kids come from. I just love my kids. I love their hearts. They are so tender and rich. My babies come from all sorts of places: hard places, and good places. I pray for them a lot. Not only that they would know my Savior, but that they would have good friends, that they would remember what they studied, that they would be patient with others, and most of all that they would feel His love through me.

I really want to be brave every day. It is my goal to be so loving to them every day. I just wish I could hug their hearts. I wish I could talk to each of them for hours about things that they care about, besides warm-blooded and cold-blooded animals hehe. I've mentioned before about our Family Meetings on Fridays. This past Friday we did something different. I have been noticing my kids saying unkind things to each other so I decided to shake 'em up a little bit ;) I told them that we were EACH going to say something kind, encouraging and life-giving about each person in our class. They were like WHAT!?! Every person has to go!? Yes. Duh. You get 17 compliments, who wouldn't want that? I went first. Every student went around the circle and said something about me, my heart overflowed. They are such world changers. I know it!!!! One of them said, "I love you because you are the only teacher that has never yelled at me before." Then he teared up. Friends, I just about died right then and there. Cue heart melting into a puddle. They had so many kind things to say to their friends. I felt like Jesus was in the middle of our family circle playing with their hair or giving them high fives when they said encouraging things. MM MM GOOD.

Sometimes I don't feel brave. I feel beaten. Sometimes I feel like I've failed my kids, like I'm not patient or loving enough. Sometimes I just feel mean. Who knows -I am too hard on myself sometimes- Ben always reminds me. I am just now thinking this but I feel like Jesus told me that HE is the tender lover of our souls. He is the perfect teacher that I wish I could be. He is the one who never gets angry or annoyed with me, even though I don't do my homework and study scripture to battle the lies I believe. THANK you Jesus. Sometimes I wish everyone could be a teacher for a little while. It really is just an eye-opener. I can't imagine doing anything else. I love my job. I love my mission field. I love my kids.  I want to live a brave life. Bravely walking into school every day with courage and love and patience and grace and all things good as my weapons. I want to bravely witness to my kids through my actions. I want to live a brave life.

PS- if you're in Waco, you should stop by someday. Mrs. Belz's class loves to play tag and all things that involve joy and laughter and happiness. Also we love treats :)

lately.

There has been a lot lately. I really miss writing about things on here, I think it helps me process somewhat.

First things first, I started my job a few weeks ago :) Praise Jesus what a blessing it has been! I cannot even describe how wonderful it is. Don't get me wrong, it's really hard. BUT it is SO GOOD!!! Isn't that funny how the hard things are really good sometimes? School is amazing. My kids are amazing. The staff is amazing. Jesus has blessed me immensely by placing me in my 3rd grade classroom.

I just FEEL the prayers being lifted up from the people I work with and especially from the parents of my kids. Each and every kid in my class is such a nugget!!! Here is such a good a good example of how precious my babies are: Every Friday we have a "Family Meeting" where we talk about different topics. We sit in a circle on the floor and one person talks at a time and everyone else listens. It's so rich. So this past Friday I came up with the topic, "something that makes you sad." I said, "boys and girls why do you think someone may want to talk about something that makes them sad? Why do you think it would help our family if we knew?" Many replied, "it would help us know where they are coming from and why they react to different things." I'm telling you, they are so mature sometimes. Anyways, I went first and I talked about my Dad. I'll explain this later in the post but I haven't really talked about this with anyone but my family in a long time. So I decided to open up to the people I spend the majority of my time with. I told them how my Daddy is very sick and has a disease that is called Lou Gehrig's disease. I said how it's kinda like cancer where it attacks parts of your body but what my Daddy has, attacks his muscles. Then all their hands went up....

1. "Mrs. Belz, can it be cured?"
2. "Can he speak?"
3. "Does he get to eat food since his tongue doesn't work? I hope he doesn't starve."
4. "Does he get to go places?"

Those were just a few. I teared up a lot. Maybe cried a little bit. It was the sweetest thing ever. They had such compassion. SO much love in there faces. I could tell that it made me a little more real to them. I wanted to tell them about Jesus and the hope He's given me, so badly. But oh my goodness, probably one of the best times in class. People continued to talk about things that made them sad. Some were serious and some were a little silly but everyone listened intently to what their friends had to say. I was so proud. AH MY HEART OVERFLOWS. 

I think it's so crazy how much love I have for those kids. I wish I could fully understand how much love my Father has for me. I am His beloved child. I am His favored. So sweet and good.

Another thing I've noticed is how interesting life has been lately. Husband has been so patient and loving with me as I've wrestled with issues. I just felt so...lonely...up until a few days ago. I felt lost. I felt like I wasn't intimate with Jesus. I felt like I was a forgotten friend since I had gotten married. I have lost the habit of being open with people. I used to be really good about it! But since my Dad's diagnosis, I have closed the doors to my heart and let few instead of many inside. Interesting. I don't really know about it yet, I haven't completely figured the whole thing out. I think I'm moving into a season where Jesus really does become my best friend. For so long I always had so many to turn to, and for so long I went to people first. I think this season I'm learning to glean love from Jesus. Glean acceptance from Jesus. Glean quality time from HIM! (Quality Time is my love language). This is a combination of the fact that I'm so tired after school and that husband is the most comforting person to be with during those times. Jesus has been so sweet opening my eyes the past few days. I don't really have anything figured out, I just feel like this season will truly be sweet. 

I'm sure of this: I'll march right into my mission field with my best friend holding my hand. Thanks Jesus for that picture. I love that He gives me pictures that just squeeze my soul and make the tears come out. 

On another note, I found a dead cockroach under our bed today. hor.ri.fied. Sick and WRONG. Husband got that stupid sucker. I've officially coined him as a superhero.....boldly killing bugs, one after another. I don't know about you but I would definitely consider that a superpower. Where Thor has a giant hammer, Ben has a vacuum. BOOM. I should present this idea to Marvel. 

on being blessed.

I wish I could explain how completely and utterly blessed Ben and I were from our wedding shenanigans.

God provided in SO MANY amazing ways. I can't even believe all the things that He did for us through you people. I am going to try and scratch the surface on the gratitude that Ben and I feel for everyone that surrounded us on the days leading up to our wonderful day:

1. We didn't have to pay for the place we got married. Hutto Bible Church was such a huge answer to prayers. When Bobby and Amy Pruitt talked to my parents about them wanting us to get married at the church, I was so surprised. I have always wanted Bobby to marry me and my future spouse. Ever since I was in youth group and talking about purity and becoming more Christlike. I knew that my future husband was going to be special. I knew that my wedding was going to be precious. And I knew that I wanted Bobby to marry me. So after years of not really thinking about that, it was kinda funny how it worked out! THANK YOU BOBBY AND AMY.
2. My old Young Life leader and good friend called me one day when I was at school and told me she wanted to make all my invitations and send them to everyone as her and her husband's gift to us. I cried. Duh I cried. Partially because I knew Ashley would make them so perfectly (and they were MORE than that) but also because she always knows how to love me so well. Such a blessing. THANK YOU ASHLEY AND MICAH.
3. Amy Pruitt told me and my mom that she wanted to cook all the food that I wanted. All of it. WHAT?! If you have never met the Pruitt family, you need to. Such a group of selfless servants. Amy is the most kind-hearted and loving woman. She gathered a group of friends and cooked all my little desserts and arranged them so perfectly. Better than I could have ever imagined. THANK YOU AMY AND FRIENDS.
4. One of my mom's good friends called and said she wanted to make my wedding cake. UM OKAY!!! She and her friend made it just the most perfect way. So simple and wonderful. It tasted lovely smeared all over my face (thanks Ben hehe). And she went OUT of her way to get real flowers to put on it!!! So over and above what I was thinking. THANK YOU JAMI AND JENNIFER.
5. Ben's Aunt Christy worked with someone that owed her a favor so she used that to get us our photobooth!! I had been secretly wanting one for a long time but knew we could never afford it so I didn't say anything but JESUS KNEW!!! He gave us a way to see all our funny friends ah we loved it! THANK YOU AUNT CHRISTY.
6. Mrs. Parker organized a meal for all the bridesmaids and groomsmen to have on the day of the wedding and brought it to the church so that we would be fed!!! I should have eaten more of that. It was so good. THANK YOU MRS. PARKER. 
7. Donna Benge and Kristy Rhine helped SO much setting up the church before the wedding. Kristy got all the piping drape for the alter and her and her family help set up lights on the porch in the blistering heat. God bless y'all. Donna basically made my alter perfectly the way I was imagining and they helped me so much with getting the church the way I was wanting it. THANK YOU DONNA AND KRISTY.
8. Shelly Corbin, Rhonda Steczkowski, and Kim Williamson helped me coordinate the wedding. They helped me think of all the little details that I had NO IDEA about. Shelly let me borrow countless things for the wedding so I didn't have to buy them too!! THANK YOU SHELLY, RHONDA AND KIM.
9. Carolyn, David, and Rachel Jeske offered to film the whole wedding weekend and edit it for Ben and me!! It was so personal and so special to have people that I have known for SO long to be there for all the things going on at rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself. I can't wait to see it!!!!! THANK YOU JESKE'S.
10. My AMAZING BRIDESMAIDS. Holy moly. There is too much to say! These women were like superheroes. In the weeks leading up to the wedding we dominated all the crafts and things that I had to make for the wedding (which was like, everything).We had many a delirious nights laughing hysterically while washing mason jars or painting or creating banners or those messy hanging orbs. Lady got together ALL the table cloths and serving plates from various women at church. April and Lady planned the BEST bachelorette party ever. Lauren and Anna helped keep people from stressing me out on the wedding. April was the best maid of honor ever. Ever. I knew she would be. I wish I could write down what everyone did. All the little things. All the alleviated stress they took from me. My 4 besties. Without them, I would have been a mess. They organized so many things for me to be so completely blessed. And the best best best part was when they all prayed for me before I walked down the aisle. I was crying crying crying because I just felt so FLOODED with love. Jesus seriously used them SO much through the entire process. My bosom friends. I could write an entire post about these women. I love you all. THANK YOU BESTIES.
11. To all the people I didn't name- the way you served without expectation, blessed me and Ben to tears. Our wedding was so personal to us. So tender and rich. I wish I could hug you all a million times. You mean so much. What a beautiful picture of how our marriage will be if all these people rallied together to make our wedding happen!! I am so glad I didn't know what all a wedding involved before I got engaged. Jesus used all of you to enable us to have a wonderfully blessed marriage. We feel SO blessed already. 
12. To our wonderful parents- thank you. Thank you for loving us so well. Lindsey and Kirk, thank you for raising me in such a way that can be emulated in our own future family. What wonderful examples. Thank you for being such HUGE spiritual supporters for us. Thank you for being so generous with your time, love, money and advice. I can't even describe how much I love you two, and my three brothers :). THANK YOU MOM AND DAD.

OH MY GOODNESS. This post was so humbling. I am so thankful. Tears of joy. JOY JOY JOY JOY DOWN IN MY HEART YEAH!!! I could go on and on and on. Thank you LORD! We will praise Your name forever. Forever we will remember the works you have done. Forever we will bless your HOLY and GOOD name. 

I love all you wonderful people!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

More to come from the banks of the Brazos,

Kambly Belz

we're choosing forever.

BEN AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!!! Surprise! 

Okay so, I've been really out of touch with the blogging world. I have missed my little blog. So much has happened in the past month and a half. Big life changes! Good life changes. 

Love is good. Love is hard. I have learned so much about love in the past 2 months. So grateful to have a God that loves me so relentlessly and unconditionally. Sometimes I feel so worthless and undeserving! But HE never thinks that of me. So wonderful. 

Things I've learned about Ben that I didn't know before we got engaged:

1. He hates shaving. Why does this matter? I prefer love non-sandpaper faces. But hey, who am I to judge right? It's not like I shave my legs every day. 
2. He's a really good thank-you-note-writer.
3. He loves Big League Chew and Sunflower Seeds more than I do.
4. He is the MOST generous person I have ever encountered. He would give you the shirt off his back without even thinking twice. 
5. He likes to experiment when cooking...something I don't gravitate towards. Yay for growth!
6. He is really good at Tennis. 
7. He "experiences God when driving." I don't like to drive. So that statement really wowed me. 
8. Last night he used the word "WOWZA" when talking about living together when we get married. Cool points= +50.

Holy moly. I am one lucky woman. 

Look at that face. Concerned that I would fall off the edge. Thankful for that man!